Beyond a World of Goodbyes
A personal essay on the SIF-ASEAN Student Fellowship 2004 in Singapore
By Angel Constantino
By Angel Constantino
Published: April 2005, Goddess of Light v.1
"Reach for the stars, fly high as you can,
Brave the wind, move the mountain,
You can do it, YES, YOU CAN!"
- From the song Reach for the Stars, sung by Tata Young
at the XIII Asian games in Bangkok
The summer of 2004 had just begun when I stepped into the Office of International Programs in my home university for my qualifying interview into the SIF-ASEAN Student Fellowship program. Dressed in my freshly ironed black slacks, red collared top and leather boots, I confidently entered the room with a bright smile and a ready heart. I took a seat in front of the panel of interviewers, which was composed of the head of the Office of International Programs, two Filipino fellowship alumni, and Mr. Gerald Yeo, Director of International Networking at the Singapore International Foundation.
After several minutes of talking about my personal strengths and abilities, sharing my passion to make a difference in the lives of my countrymen, and defending my choice of candidate for the upcoming Philippine Presidential elections, Gerald asked me a most unexpected question. He said, “Angel, I noticed you like to smile a lot. Tell me, what is it that makes you feel really sad?”
Having been caught off guard, I paused momentarily to think of an answer to this perplexing question. Finally I said, “What makes me feel really sad is saying goodbye.”
Reminiscing our days at NTU
Indeed, we live in a world of endless goodbyes. Having just graduated from my university a few weeks before the interview, I recalled the pain of saying goodbye to the people I cherished most in my four years of college. After I found out that I was accepted to the fellowship, I again went through a whirlwind of goodbyes as my family and friends gathered for traditional Filipino despedida parties celebrated in my honor as a way of sending me off into a new and exciting journey. Saying goodbye to my family and friends in the Philippines was not that difficult because though I was filled with trepidation at the idea of being away from home for five months, I was also filled with anticipation for the wonderful new experiences that lay ahead. Little did I know that only a few months later, another painful goodbye awaited me.
I remember the last day of the fellowship well. Hardly anyone slept a wink the night before because we were all doing last minute packing. Our rooms were turned upside down as we contemplated on what we wanted to take home with us and what we had to leave behind. In the wee hours of the morning of 10 December 2004, we lugged our overweight suitcases down several flights of stairs and hauled them into the bus. On the ride to the airport, we were silent, perhaps because of the fatigue we all felt or the dread of seeing the fellowship, not only for our batch but for the program itself, finally come to an end.
NTUers last complete photo. December 10, 2004.
Good thing our swollen eyes aren't obvious in this picture!
Arriving at the airport and seeing the fellows from the other universities was an intense and emotional period. It was not the first time the tears flowed. We had been crying since ASEAN Nite, during the fellowship reflections, on the bus ride to the airport for some, and perhaps even before that for others. Seeing everybody at the airport clad in their blue and grey “baseball” shirts with their luggage strewn about and plane tickets in hand brought down the reality that this was going to be the last time we would be together as a group. Indeed, it was hard to fathom how the people we were saying goodbye to during those moments had come to mean so much to us after what seemed like a very short four and a half months.
The NTU girls just can't let go of their favorite guy
At the end of the fellowship, it was difficult to say goodbye because for a few months, we had experienced life together. Some of us went to the same university, slept under the same roof, visited the same places, and participated in the same activities. But while we were having similar experiences, we also met different people, studied different subjects, and experienced the fellowship in our own unique ways. We grew close to one another because whether our experiences were different or the same, we immersed ourselves in each others' stories. Not only did we share in each others' joy and happiness, we also shared in each others' pain and sorrow.
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